It’s Not You

As I have navigated life through good times and bad, sickness and health, youth and old age, I have learned there were two identities inside me. One was shaped and supported by the outside world's opinion; the other was the voice in my head that only grew stronger with age and meditation—asking the outside world why.

Take a look around you; what do you see? Do you notice everyone trying to be unique, yet often following similar patterns? Reflect on your own core beliefs and the group you identify with-these shape your sense of identity and influence your choices.

When I first started seeing success with my Crohn's, I had to strengthen my mind with a new identity that I picked for myself. I needed to change to keep up with the healing process, so my actions matched my resolve to stay healthy. The older identity I was trying to improve was easy to quit, fearful, and preferred staying still over moving. Facing challenges can lead to growth and new strength.

So, in my reading, I started looking for models that I could emulate. People who came through tough times, succeeded, and went on their hero's journey. One was my father; no matter how sick he was, he went to work. No matter how many accidents he had at work, he stayed there and finished his day. I always respected that.

As I got older, I looked to leaders and stories about how they learned to lead. I began asking myself: What are my true beliefs? How do my outside actions reflect my inner values? Recognizing this helped my outside voice and inside voice become one.

I gravitated toward people I respected and knew I could learn from. My TV watching also changed; the mindless shows that were just filler fell to the wayside. Books that narrowed my focus to the subjects I was researching soon filled my library. My outside voice and my inside voice became one.

So, what I thought in my youth about who I was going to be was just a starting point for who I became. What I learned was what everyone older in my life told me: you can become anything you want. It took a sickness to bring it to the forefront. It took the drive to stay healthy to push it. It took hindsight to say, look how far I've come. So, when I say it's not you, that means you can change it.