As I Promised

As promised, I am going to share my story of how the universe opened the door to show me something different, revealing the evolution of my spiritual journey. To get you caught up, I have been symptom-free from my Crohn's Colitis for maybe ten years or maybe even longer by then.

However, my search for something else was continuing. I am just going to say my illness was the catalyst; I thought healing was my goal; it was just a step to so much more. One of my fears was going back into the same actions and habits that proved to be what caused my illness in the first place. I needed to create new actions, new habits; I had to remove toxic ways and replace them with healthier ways.

Most people think I am talking about diet and exercise. I am talking about how I thought about myself, how I dealt with stress, and anger. I became very focused on how I thought, how I acted, and creating a pathway to new, solid programming that created new synapses pointing to new core beliefs about myself. Instead of swallowing my emotions down into my gut, I found healthy ways to express them and release them before they became my new illness.

I read thousands of books on the mind, meditation, religion, and any other subject on how to achieve my goal. My mantra to myself for a long time was "I change quickly and efficiently to achieve my goals." I would read or hear a thought or idea to further my progress, and then start making that change in my life at that moment. I realized I was wasting time, being bogged down in old thoughts and actions.

At this point, I noticed that when I read about religion, I found that they were pretty much the same and preached the same things. Yes, different words, different stories, different parables, with the same lessons.

Also, all written with human hands. I also noticed a trend where we as humans were never good enough to commune with higher power. Only the most holy can achieve that status, creating a power dynamic that I was not willing to accept.

I started looking at the different gods, Idols, men, women, planets, and everything from the beginning of the recorded human race and what they believed was God. Over time, I came to see that perhaps there was no singular higher power, no definitive afterlife-just a reflection of human interpretation and belief systems. This shift helped me understand the diversity of spiritual perspectives and question traditional notions.

I spent 3 years not believing in God. Not that I was fighting with people or anything like that; I didn't need to prove a point. I believed everyone has a right to believe in what they wanted. I came to the point that God, like a lot of things, was created by man to explain the unexplainable. To create fear, to reduce fear, to give a fake sense of safety, and also to control the masses through general ground rules to govern the people.

One day, strolling through my local bookstore looking for a new book to digest and having no luck, I decided to say to myself that the next book that caught my attention I would purchase and read. As I said it to myself, a book fell out of the bookshelf onto the floor. It had a pink cover, and I never looked at the title until I purchased it and was walking through the parking lot to my car. As I pulled it out of the bag, the title in black lettering was Meditating with Angels. I believe that was the title; it was a long time ago.

As promised, I read the book and practiced one of the meditations from it. I have a meditation/ healing room in my house that has a lot of crystals, not small ones either, and there I sat. I believe meditation is a sandwich; I start with the first piece of bread, the same beginning meditation every time. I believe it tells the brain it's time to meditate; the middle of the sandwich, the filler, was the meditation I was going to try or practice. Then the bottom piece of bread is the finishing meditation I always used.

Crystals are energy conduits; this is why I believe they are in computers. Well, in my time, when the crystals sense energy, they can snap and crack; I've seen it happen to mine. When I got to the middle of my meditation, and I started practicing the meditation from the book, my crystals started to crack and pop like they never had before. A freedom came over me; it was like a low-grade depression was lifted, which carried on from that day forward.

In the coming weeks, I tried to figure out what happened. I started to understand that if this is real, and the afterlife is real. If the afterlife is real, then this life and how we live it is not real. That I could be so much more. I thought, what if everything I have been taught about the universe and God and being human was a lie or a misunderstanding? What are we supposed to heal? What if we are supposed to commune with the universe? What if we are not these bodies, but we are our own creation and this lifetime is what we are creating?