No One is Going to Save You

We live in a world of instant action. The health care system and any service industry are geared to be at the consumer's beck and call. We call for a service, and after a few moments, action is taken.

When I was 19 years old, I started shedding weight and in the bathroom all the time. Living with a family that was no stranger to colitis, deep down I knew what was happening, but I went into denial. My health went downhill quickly; my clothes hung off my body to the point that my mother waited until I got home from work and said You have an appointment with your father's doctor on Friday. Your father's driving you in, so you are going.

That was my first introduction to real sickness. I was grasping for any savior at the time. From doctors to medicine and treatments, to anything that was going to save me. As my illness proceeded to worsen and years passed, the doctors realized that the medicines that did work were killing the rest of my body. They needed to save me differently this time to get me off the medicine. They were setting me up for surgery, which I said no to; this is where this blog starts going into the meat of the subject.

They were, with my permission, my savior; they had all the answers, and they made me feel confident in the answer that they were going to do to my body to cure me. They talked to me about how many surgeries they perform and explained it to me so I could understand. They did a really good job selling it, but I didn't buy it. As fast as they were going to save me was as fast as they stopped being my savior.

So, I started looking for a new savior. I started looking to go back to church. I thought God was punishing me; my father and mother were devout Catholics. We, as a family, went to church through the sacraments and lived in a Catholic upbringing. Maybe the God from the church could save me. I went to the priest and sat with him, and he totally turned me against the church and my belief in God. I was not getting a savior here, I thought.

That's when I realized I had to become my own savior. I had to save myself. I believe this was God's true plan as I look back. The concept of God is often overused, and all the images and beliefs can get in the way of true self-empowerment.

I started looking for my new savior. I read about different gods, belief systems, and rituals. Still, I realized that I could begin my own healing journey by taking responsibility for my health and exploring what resonates with me. This shift helped me realize that self-empowerment is within me, encouraging me to take that first step.

 By now, I was practicing visualization, imagining my intestines healing, and meditation, focusing on a vibrant, healthy life, which strengthened my belief in my ability to heal.

After six months of consistent practice, I experienced my first solid bowel movement and weight gain in over six years-without medicine, diet, or treatments-just my belief in a self-created path. This proved to me that healing is possible when I trust my inner power, inspiring me to believe that my efforts can lead to meaningful change.

I believe culture has stripped us of our self-empowerment. Schools, religious beliefs, governments, and other factors have taken the innate practice of belief in oneself instead of making it our superpower; now you need permission and validation to exercise the power that is ours. Recognizing this can help you feel validated and confident in reclaiming your inner strength.

Some of you are going to brush this off. Others might use this type of story to see and give hope. Then others of you might see this as permission to go out and find your way to healing. To become your own savior.

There is another story that I should share with you in another blog about how the universe appeared to me. It is how it shared its existence with me, which changed my understanding of life itself. I believe what happened to me became an opportunity to believe in myself and take responsibility for my healing, empowering my sense of control and self-efficacy.